Renewed

I feel so blessed today. I feel like these last couple of months I have become somewhat lost. Today I have been found. I am so grateful for the Gospel in my life. I am so happy that I have it in my life. Today's Sacrament talks were about sharing the gospel, in being a good neighbor, in fellow-shipping. These talks reminded me how needed I truly am.
Being a mom of 4 and a wife bogs you down sometimes. You feel like you are walked on, mistreated and taken advantage of. The talks related to my life by showing me that this is the way I show them how much I love them. If I feel like I wasn't given anything in return I need to get over that and know that I did it for them with no expectations. When you do something for someone to receive something back, you are doing it for all the wrong reasons.

How to Start! 

This is so new to me. I have always found writing a personal way to let myself out. To share it with others is terrifying. I think this may be a very therapeutic process for me. My walls will come down. I will be viewed in a whole new light. Which what I am finding out about everyone's assumptions is; I am such a better person in their mind than I should be given credit for. I wish I could live up to some of these assumptions. It's not that I am putting them out there, I think a lot of it has to do with how I look. For example people look at me and assume I am this soft spoken young lady. I am definitely judged daily on how I look. I look young.

 I don't put myself out there completely, because people assume things about me and when I don't live up to those assumptions they walk away. I have lost to many people I loved and put my trust in to, and when they find out that I am not this shy person they can't walk all over, it becomes to much of an effort. I am either greatly loved or hated. Sadly, there is no in between. I can't conform to the ways that people see me. I have to be true to myself, and to my faith. I found that self on August 21st, 1997 at the age of 18. That was the day I was baptized. I will blog about that day soon. It is a monumental day for me. 

Why do I think it is because I look young. I'll tell you. Every introduction, church, school, between friends, it gets brought up. It gets brought up so much that I find myself just saying it to get it out of the way. I have been at PTA functions where region people that I have talked to on the phone say, "oh, who are you" when I meet them in person. I respond; "Kristi Critchlow" and they comment back; "no, I know, Kristi, I've spoken with her". ( I think I know who I am) They view me as someone completely different, older, than I am. People will ask me when I graduated and than I can see them counting in their head to see how old I am. When I get asked by complete strangers how old I am I reply, Oh in my thirties, I owe it to Mary Kay. It kills them that I don't say my real age. It's usually people who say I can't believe you have a daughter who is whatever age she is at the time, and I was 22 when I had her. You should see their mouths drop when I say, oh she has a brother who is 5 years older. 

I don't know what this blog will entail, but I hope you will laugh and help me in my journey not try to live up to the standards I feel I must live up to, because I can't live up to them. I will however live up to being the best me I can be.